Chloe

One week ago today, friends and I came home from Fall Conference with InterVarsity. It was an amazing experience to say the least. But while we were there, we talked about Jonah and how his story relates to our lives. The speaker explained about how we are to obey God's calling and talk to the people who he has set out for us to witness to. He challenged us to try to pursue conversations that are more intentional because it's important that we work as Jesus' hands and feet. We talked about what this looked like and who would be our "Ninevah", as in who God was calling us to begin long-term conversations with.

We were asked to think of two people that fit this type of description and my mind went to probably thirty different people whom I knew needed Jesus and his love and peace in their lives. I told God that whoever it was that he had in mind, he should make it very obvious, because I'm a bear of little brain :) (Yes, I just made a Winnie the Pooh reference. So what.) I told him simply that whoever it was, that he should open the doors and make it very obvious for me what I should do.

In light of all of this, there was a debate the other day on the existence of God at NAU. Very interesting topic choice, in my opinion, especially on a college campus where, just two weeks ago, we had a Ke$ha/Dirt Nasty concert. But I got a ticket and had decided I would try to understand the ideas of the other side, just to have an open mind about it all. Well, on the day of the debate, I went to lunch with two friends, Hannah and Chloe. Hannah is a Christian (you've seen her picture on a previous post) but Chloe is still very unsure. Chloe brought up that she had planned on going to the debate and so we decided we would go together. I didn't really think much about the opportunity it could be when she first mentioned it, but as we were walking, we started talking about our opinions on the matter and about homosexuality and about issues in the church, etc. It was a great opening to the night.

Then the debate. I would say it went fairly well, under the circumstances. I don't think either party really did an excellent job of persuading or presenting their side in a listener-friendly/convincing way. But I don't really know what I was expecting, because it would have been silly to think they would have ever had some sort of conversion experience at somehting like this. I really felt that the speakers of both sides played this off as politicians would, simply avoiding questions and trying to dodge the points that were difficult.

But this certainly raised a lot of questions in Chloe's mind, which was awesome. As we were leaving, I asked what she had thought and she really didn't know what to say about all of it. She thought that the Christian speaker was boring and dry, as did most of the rest of the crowd, including myself. He really didn't help to change what we are already stereotyped as, which was a real bummer for me. But as Chloe and I continued to talk, she explained that she really should be open-minded about religion and things of the matter because she thought she considered herself an atheist but she wasn't really sure. She told me about how she had friends who were vegetarians and she always kinda gave them beef (heehee!) about their opinions and what they were doing. But what she realized was that she really couldn't do that if she didn't know where they were coming from. So for one month she tried to be a vegetarian this summer and now she respects them a lot more because she realized how hard it really is to do what they were doing.

So she said that she thought that religion is very similar in that way. She explained that you really can't say that you don't agree with a religion until you study it and look into it for yourself and decide that you really don't agree. And this is where things got really cool for me! She said that she really knew very little about the Bible and about Christianity and that she hoped someday someone would sit down and explain these types of things to her! If this wasn't God making things very obvious for me, then I don't know what is. So I asked if she meant it and if she would really be willing to talk. And she was really excited!! I'm so happy she was so receptive. So we decided we would meet on Friday. I bought a Bible for her (this really cool green bible because she's a super hippy-ish girl who fits in perfectly in Flagstaff and loves anything that has to do with saving the environment, etc.) and we met.

She had so many questions and was so curious and open to all of the stories and teachings and was so patient with my jumbled passion of words. We had planned to meet for an hour, because I thought that after that amount of time she would probably be ready to take a break. So we made plans to have dinner an hour afterwards with some friends. But as the time neared for our conversation to be over, we didn't even notice! I was still talking and got a text and realized that we had finished our hour and still had tons to talk about. She had even brought a notebook and was taking notes and was so excited about her bible and as we were walking to dinner, she said that she really needed to do some more reading on her own. Her initiative is just awesome to me! So we decided we would both do some reading and come back to discuss together what was meant in specific passages.

And then she texted me today and said that she had been working through Genesis on her own. She said she was on chapter nineteen and had been taking notes so she was really curious and said that she had a lot of questions. I'm so excited to meet with her again tonight and to really dive into the scriptures, especially because now she, too, has an investment in them and knows a lot more about what they say. I'm stunned that she's so self-motivated to learn about something she really isn't sure if she believes. It kind of makes me feel guilty for not always being as passionate about pursuing God through his word more consistently. I guess he's using Chloe and I to teach each other different lessons.

On a small side note, I think I've learned yet another lesson about judgment and a huge part of the problems of passing it on non-christians. We, as christians, seem to think that in the US, just about everyone has heard about Jesus and his message and just refuses to accept that and believe in him. But I'd like to say that that idea is very wrong. Chloe asked me questions like, "Well, if Jesus died, why do you still believe in him?" and "So, Jesus wrote the Bible, right?" Not that I'm being condescending of Chloe at all. I think her questions are important fundamentals to the faith of a christian. However, it really opened up my eyes to how we try to assume our way out of talking to people about Jesus because we think that they've probably already heard about him and will just think that we're strange for trying to re-tell them. But I really don't think that's the case. I know I've been guilty of this, too! Anyway. Done. Off my soapbox. :)

But I truly can't believe that God is using me in such a direct and awesome way right now! He is showing me that he'll work through me regardless of how I may mess it up, which is such a blessed assurance. He's showing me that even if Chloe decides this isn't her thing, she will still have gained knowledge and maybe someday have her mind changed. The important thing right now is to continue to be her friend, answer her questions, and pursue her as a sister so that she feels loved and important, because that's how God feels about her! Right now I'm just amazed and excited for whatever comes next.

So, if you're reading this, I would love ideas. Any scripture passage you think I should bring up, any idea for how to explain things to her in a way that would make sense, whatever you think. And please be praying for her heart and for my words. Pray that God would just pour through me and that I wouldn't get in the way. Pray that Chloe would understand and be moved to crave more. Pray that the campus changes. And pray that more people come along with whom I can talk to and who need the love and grace of Jesus.

This is Chloe :)

I thought that I was coming to NAU for my own education. And I was. But I found something that is far more important than that could ever be. Yes, grades matter. Yes, I should study for my tests. Yes, I need to keep my scholarship. But Jesus said that we are to pursue him first. Before any desires of this world. Before any other person. Before even my own family. He said that he's that most important thing. And he is. So I will pursue him with all that I am, no matter the cost.

Someday

One day, I will lean against my Daddy's chest and be at home. He'll wrap me in his arms and everything will be wonderful forever. This is my new favorite image when I'm worshipping.

A while back, I remember one of my small group leaders (shoutout to Brittany Davis!) talking on worship and she talked about how it helps her to envision herself in the presence of Jesus. She put it that she is sitting on his lap looking up at him. My image of Jesus and what I envision during those times when I'm closest to him have changed over time. I feel like I come closer and closer to his heart.

Tonight, we sang this song about how he'll wrap His mighty arms around us, and I knew that my image was about to change. Kind of an odd way to think about worship, but I'm finding I have connected with my Father in a much different way when I'm put into a different mindset like this. I love that he is able to speak to my heart in a way that is so terribly unique to me. He wraps me up and shows me what he knows I need to see.

Tonight the speaker at IV was discussing the portion of Jesus' sermon on the mount about lust. When he started talking, I went immediately on the dismissal. I thought that I could just swipe aside this topic because I've got it under control in this area. But that is far from the truth and I know it. I cannot pretend that I've never lusted after guys. It's true. Maybe I've never been into pornography or anything like that, but if I'm honest with myself, I know that I've been guilty of thinking about attractive guys in movies, or just whom I meet, in ways that are not right. And sin is sin. That's it. I'm no better than the worst of sinners.

But Brian (the speaker) also brought up a point about lust that I had never really thought about before. He made the point that we can lust after more than just people. Though the word predominately revolves around others, it can also be used in light of other issues. Lusting for power. Lusting for money. Lusting for our own ideas of what our life will look like according to us. Lusting for the easy life where we don't need to step out of our comfort zone because we aren't willing to pursue Jesus' heart strongly enough.

Brian quoted John Piper, and I love love love the quote he chose. Piper is talking about the issue of lust and sexual impurity and says:

The great tragedy is not mainly masturbation or fornication or acting like a peeping Tom (or curious Cathy) on the Internet. The tragedy is that Satan uses the guilt of these failures to strip you of every radical dream you ever had, or might have, and in its place give you a happy, safe, secure, American life of superficial pleasures until you die in your lakeside rocking chair, wrinkled and useless, leaving a big fat inheritance to your middle-aged children to confirm them in their worldliness.

I just love how he puts this and really makes explicit the idea that we were meant for something so much greater. And we lose this when we let ourselves be vulnerable to the temptations of satan. This situation is quickly becoming a fear of mine. I don't want my life to sound anything like this. What he describes is what millions of americans hope for. It's what they dream about and work their whole lives for.

And it's certainly something I could get caught up in. The pursuit of the easy life that the world tells us is good enough. Send your check off to the charity and feel good about yourself as you spend ten times the amount on the vacation you're planning for yourself. Don't let yourself feel the pain of the hunger the people feel who are on the other side of the mailbox because that's too much for you too handle. It's too painful. It's too radical. It's too crazy. It's too undignified for someone who has always had everything they needed at their fingertips. I'm determined to never be in a position where I can simply insulate myself from those who live a life that isn't as easy as mine. It's not fair to me or them and it's nowhere near the life Christ has called all of us to. If we can call ourselves Christians, pursuers of the heart of Christ, we need to look in the mirror and simply evaluate whether or not we are actually doing this.

And I think this weekend will be a wake-up call for me in this area. Tomorrow (I guess later today now- late night blogging!!) we will leave for a weekend retreat in Heber, where we'll get Christian fellowship and speaking and worship and just time to be with Yeshua. Which brings me back to the beginning. This weekend I cannot wait to spend time with my Daddy, being wrapped in his arms, and having him let me lean my head against his chest. Because that's where I belong.





Friends

I've been discovering something funny lately: friends rarely seem to happen and mix all together quite the way you thought they would. Sometimes it may feel like you have none, and other times you get so busy with friends that you begin to wonder where the time has gone. I know that time can breed dysfunction, especially without connection and contact, but I'm also discovering that there are instances when time apart is necessary (absence makes the heart grow fonder?). But it's difficult. My high school pastor, Mark, told me that college will be lonely. Which wasn't what I had expected him to say at all. I had thought his words would more resonate with the feelings of fun and adventure and such. But as I've been experiencing it, I'm realizing that he was really right. Sometimes you don't get along with people. Sometimes people rub you the wrong way and sometimes you do the same back to them and they just need some space apart from you.

But then there's this weird thing with expectations on our friends. Expectations are dangerous things. When we try to impose expectations on any situation, much less people we hang out with, we can create disunity because things will never quite go the way we expect them to in our minds. Someone may react differently than we had hoped or sometimes we just don't know what's expected of us by others. But whatever the case, it's important to think about.

Jesus said that there isn't a greater love than this: that one would lay down his life for his friends. This is fascinating to me (as Jesus frequently is) because it makes perfect sense and yet it is nowhere near what we would try to think of as a solution to friend problems. Jesus is showing that to truly love the people we spend most time with, the key element is humility. We have to be humble enough to put away our expectations of them and humble enough to be patient when we don't live up to theirs.

A true friend is not something you find everyday. Though opportunities for friends abound, true friends are something that have to be cultivated and worked on and really can't just be created out of thin air. Time is required, and trust, and, as Jesus says, humility. I love that he understands us so well that he knows this would be the key portion of the issues we would have with friends. I'm thankful every day for the fact that Jesus knows my heart. He knows what I need and what I feel and how to take care of things so that I will be able to live my life in the best possible way with him. I'm thankful for the friends he's given me, old and new. I'm thankful that he loves me enough to take this broken life of mine and put it together in the best possible way.



From left to right: Maddy, Allison, Esther and Julianne, Jessica, Cassidy, Ann Marie, Hannah and Kristin



God is working!

So I've been working at this homeless shelter and just did my second day today. But already I've been able to re-realize (?) why it is that I want to be in this business. These people see God work every day. Wal-mart donates food, as does St. Mary's Food bank and I'm sure other donors, too. That's just to keep them running every day. And then, to pay their bills, they depend on the generosity of other people. In the past two days I have been working in the office, which may be a pattern for this semester, and have helped sort through the mail and make the deposit slip for the checks that show up, among other things. Each of these two days, God has sent at least eight checks to the way of the mission, each at least twenty-five dollars.

I've also been put in charge of answering the phone and today three different donors called in to see if the mission would be okay with accepting more food and clothing and money. Two trucks showed up with donations that were never asked for. On Monday, I answered the phone to talk to a man who was running a Kia dealership and had a big sale coming up. He wanted to know if he could put the name of the mission on all of the cars they sell and give a portion back! And that's not even the crazy stuff! They just recently opened a new building (in April) as a women's and children's shelter, which I got to tour today. It's Beautiful!! Each room is named after a person or event from the bible. And each woman who is staying there has her own bed with sheets and drawers for her things. And they met a man who was willing to give of his time and he came and painted a few different murals around the hosue which were gorgeous. And here's the craziest story of all to me!

A few weeks ago, they put on a banquet to thank all of the people who have come alongside them to make the shelter come together and continue running. At the end of the night, they did a small presentation just to let guests know what they were about and how they were doing. Stephanie, the administrating coordinator, shared that they were only six thousand dollars away from owning both of their buildings. After the presentation, a man walked up to her and simply handed her a check for six thousand dollars! God is seriously blessing the hard work of these people!!

Here's the greatest thing to me about this program, though. The people they bring into the shelter are required to begin progress towards getting their own jobs and getting back into society. They currently have sixty men who will soon move into apartments of their own that were once statying and relying fully on the mission. The residents are held accountable for their actions and have work to do to help keep the mission going. Some work in the kitchen and others sort clothes, while some go out and clean up in the neighborhood and give back to the community.

It's funny because three of the people I've been working with who work for the mission full-time were all once residents at eiter hope cottage (the women's shelter) or sunshine rescue (for the men). I hear their stories and how God has impacted their life to give them something they never thought they could have. Debbie was once an alcoholic who was living on the sidewalks in San Francisco, trying to hide what little money she could scrape together from her boyfriend and two friends who were substance abusers, hoping one day she could escape. She finally got to Arizona and called her two sons, who were both living in Flagstaff at the time. She asked if she could come stay with them but they told her that she would have to get help and get herself into a shelter. They paid for her to come up on the bus and she was greeted with the paperwork for two different women's shelters.

Rick had been hitchiking for almost six thousand miles. He happened to be sitting at a Flying J in Williams. when one of the girls who worked at the gas station came out and told him he should head to Flagstaff and that she hoped that God would bless him. He rode with one of the truckers who was there at the time and came to the mission, where he was accepted with open arms in June of 2009. He accepted Christ the day after he got there! As he kept working hard, he got his own apartment and then applied to work at the mission. He became one of the head workers in the mission, where he works with the other men and tries to show them the love of Jesus.

Do you see why I love these people? They were humble enough to tell me their stories on the first day that I met them. They pray without ceasing. They seek to love on other people the way Jesus has loved them. And they live their lives in faith that God will provide, because they know that it's not in their power to do it themselves. I want to do what they do. I want to be like them. I want to be like Jesus.

Here goes nothing!

So. Somehow I have begun doing this. I'm feeling really cheesy right now. Especially because the majority of people I know who are doing this are moms. But here goes nothing. Maybe this will turn into some sort of online public journal? I have no idea where it will lead.

So here are the basics. I am taking five college classes. I'm working part-time at Michael's. I'm volunteering at Sunshine Rescue Mission in Flagstaff (men's homeless shelter). I'm crocheting a blanket (yes, I sound like and old woman. But it's fun, okay?) I'm finding the church that fits me best. And most importantly, I'm pursuing the heart of Christ because it matters.